Yesterday’s Love

It’s just a day within a year that shouldn’t mean anything to me anymore. Yet, it does.

Everything about that day still feels like it was just yesterday. I can close my eyes at this very moment and feel what was felt. See what everyone around me was doing. I can hear the laughter. It’s as if things are still frozen in that moment. I was the happiest girl ever that day. That was the day I knew what it felt like to fall in love for the very first time. I knew what it felt like to have time stand so perfectly still that nothing else around you seemed to matter. That was the first time I felt love on my lips, love within a hug, love by looking into their eyes.

Then somewhere along the way I misplaced myself. I blinked for a second too long and found myself in a deep dark place that I couldn’t get out of. I learned that love was like quicksand and it kept slipping through my fingers. I worked so hard to make love see how much I was willing to work to make things last. I wanted it so bad that when I finally caught its attention, love looked the other way. I was broken into a million little pieces and I was sent into a dark corner of the cave where I found refuge. Someone took me in and temporarily bandaged the wounds. I lost love at that very moment even though love was already gone. Love wasn’t easy and I knew that. So I fought and continued to fight to get that love back… but love stopped caring and eventually love turned into hate. Now love is a lump in my throat that makes it hard to swallow. Love is a knot deep within my stomach. Love has shattered my heart.

Tomorrow is just a day within a year to most. But for me…tomorrow is day within a year that reminds me of what love really felt like…and I how I failed to keep it in my hands.

J. Phae

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