Life Sucks…Simple as That

It sucks getting older…let’s be real. It sucks having to figure out what career path you’re supposed to take. It sucks having to ‘adult’ and figure out finances, who you’re going to marry, when you’re going to have kids, where you will live, what car you should get or if you should keep the one you have…LIFE SUCKS. One day you are cuddled up in your mother’s womb and the next you are pushed out into a world of cruel and unusual chaos. No one give you a book for directions on “How to Live Life the Right Way”. You are simply placed on this weird planet to figure things out. Majority of the time, it is solely up to you to learn how to live…occasionally you get some assistance but it is not always the best kind.Β Sometimes you fall in and out of love with “the one“. Sometimes you choose a path that leads you to a dead-end. Sometimes things do not plan out the way you originally thought they would. But I am here to tell you that… it is okay. Yes, life sucks but there is beauty in all things tragic. I used to think that I was not going to figure things out but I have. Now do not get me wrong, I definitely don’t have is all together but it is trial and error. I have made my fair share of mistakes but I learn from them. I have found love in many people, places, and things. I have lived a great life so far. I do not have it all figured out but there is no fun in living a predictable life. I will travel the world, I will meet the love of my life and start a family, I will have my dream job, I will own my favorite vehicle and probably have to give it up because kids play a factor, I will do everything I can do before I die. Yes…life is going to suck some days…but I promise you, there will be more good than bad. There is no book. There is just you and me and this cruel and unusual but beautiful chaotic world…so go live it to the fullest! Don’t take it for granted.

J. PhaeΒ 

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Yesterday’s Love

It’s just a day within a year that shouldn’t mean anything to me anymore. Yet, it does.

Everything about that day still feels like it was just yesterday. I can close my eyes at this very moment and feel what was felt. See what everyone around me was doing. I can hear the laughter. It’s as if things are still frozen in that moment. I was the happiest girl ever that day. That was the day I knew what it felt like to fall in love for the very first time. I knew what it felt like to have time stand so perfectly still that nothing else around you seemed to matter. That was the first time I felt love on my lips, love within a hug, love by looking into their eyes.

Then somewhere along the way I misplaced myself. I blinked for a second too long and found myself in a deep dark place that I couldn’t get out of. I learned that love was like quicksand and it kept slipping through my fingers. I worked so hard to make love see how much I was willing to work to make things last. I wanted it so bad that when I finally caught its attention, love looked the other way. I was broken into a million little pieces and I was sent into a dark corner of the cave where I found refuge. Someone took me in and temporarily bandaged the wounds. I lost love at that very moment even though love was already gone. Love wasn’t easy and I knew that. So I fought and continued to fight to get that love back… but love stopped caring and eventually love turned into hate. Now love is a lump in my throat that makes it hard to swallow. Love is a knot deep within my stomach. Love has shattered my heart.

Tomorrow is just a day within a year to most. But for me…tomorrow is day within a year that reminds me of what love really felt like…and I how I failed to keep it in my hands.

J. Phae

Forgiveness.

I have thought about the day that all things went wrong many times. Each time I relive those last moments of us….Β I come out with a different emotion. You see, when it all first happened…I was heartbroken. Then when I stepped back and reanalyzed everything…I simply hated you and could not believe things had gotten so bad. I let months pass and I felt hope. Hope, that I could try and make things better but every time I tried I had seemed to fail. Then I told myself to keep pushing because you fight for the things you love the most and so I did. But when you told me all these heartless things, it was then that I felt anger. I was mad because I had did everything I could and I had tried for so long that nothing seemed to change your mind. And one day I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I just let it go. I let the tears fall and it was then that I felt relief. I was relieved because it truly showed me what I did not deserve any of the things I had gone through. It was the true blessing in disguise that told me I deserved so much more. That I deserved to be loved and fought for. I let you take away months and years of my life. I gave you the satisfaction of watching me beg for you to come back. I should have had more dignity for myself. Fortunately, everything I went though taught me to finally forgive people like you. Forgive sadness, anger, hatred, hope, faith, and myself. I know how to forgive now. And one day…you might too.

 

J.Phae

No More Puppets

img_6995My entire life I’ve made decisions based off of making others happy but the older I get the more I realize that I’m doing it all wrong. I have given up a lot of things, I have cried a billion tears, I have fought a thousand different battles, I have let people pick my future, and I have caused so much stress on my mind and body that I am finally over it. So I have cut my own strings from this so called puppet life. I’m ready to walk alone and ignore what everyone else says and do what’s best for myself and my life not what’s best for everyone else. My journey may not be easy and I may cry, fight more battles, cause some stress but I will be happy in the end. I have one shot to get my life right. It is my life!

J. Phae

We Fall & We Rise

There’s no rules or statutes of limitations on learning how to start over. You simply have to wake up one morning and decide today will be different. Today you will make better decisions, focus more, set more goals and get things done. I have seen way too many people give up on their lives because of one mess up. It’s as if that one setback defines who they are. They feel as if they will never rise from it. But that’s just it…we fall. We break into a thousand pieces and that’s the most beautiful part of it all. That opens a door to be able to pick yourself and and put the pieces back together the way you want them to be. I have learned from personal experience that you can not let the past define who you are. You are a different person today than you were yesterday and you will be a different person tomorrow too. You can not be afraid to start over. It’s a brand new opportunity to rebuild what you truly want in this life. Learn from the past. Fall and pick yourself back up. Never let your past define you but teach you to be better.

J. PhaeProcessed with Rookie Cam

Learning Love

It’s amazing really, to know that we live in a world where we are okay with hurting each other so much that we don’t even realize none of us are making it out of here alive so why hurt others. If that’s what people think is right, they have it all wrong. We were placed on this earth for one reason and that’s was to master how it feels to love unconditionally. Think about it…we came from someone who loves us unconditionally and one day when the time is right that is where we will once again return. But with life we also have to set out on a mission to master what it’s like to experience personal love. We have to learn what it’s like to love the broken. Love the crazy. Love the sad. Love the messy. Love the universe. Nothing in life will come elegantly so we must learn to stumble and know that it’s okay. If you stumble then do it with grace. Know that if you mess up it demonstrates that you are human. Trust that it will happen more often than not. You didn’t get placed on earth to be perfect because you already were. Every flaw about you is what makes you fabulous. If you’re still thinking love happens at first sight, stop living in a fairytale. Love doesn’t require anything it just hopes that you show up when called upon. You will know when it’s time and until then live, laugh, fly, smile, cry, hurt, heal, work, play, fall, and get back up again. When our time comes, die as yourself.